Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Lack of inspiration + stuff on my mind = No posts

I've been struggling to do some art lately, it's not that I don't have the inspiration, other than I'm waiting for some parcels to arrive, some nail art things from BPS and polish from Llarowe, I just don't feel like doing anything. I have been doing my nails, but nothing special, just some colour for the sake of having something.

Bf's mom moved to Australia just over 2 years ago. So he hasn't seen her for all this time and they are now finally coming for a visit. Recently my parents have started talking about what we will be doing for christmas, so I naturally mentioned that his mom will probably be here, meaning that we will probably spend the time with his mother. I mean, I see my parents all the time, we stay a 10 minute walk away from each other. And we have spent each and every single christmas together for the past 25 years.

Now, it seems that this is not good enough. I was told that I need to consider who has done more for us (being my parents or his) and where I want to spend the day, because if I choose to spend it with him and his mom, I shouldn't bother to buy my parents any gifts, as they won't accept it and it would be a waste of money. Now I find this to be very unfair.
I am expected to choose between my boyfriend of almost 8 years and my parents? This is why I wanted to leave the house in the first place. It's difficult and exhausting trying to keep two people happy.
My mother had previously confronted Bf and told him he is changing me into somebody that she does not know. Now I don't know how these things work, but isn't that what happens? People change or do they stay same? No matter what they go through or what happens in their lives, they stay the same?
While these things were being said to me, I kept quiet. I expect that if it had to happen some thime ago, I would have reacted differently, but I just thought to myself. Why have an outburst? What would be the point? It will just bring me great unhappiness and me probably walking out of my parents house. And what would have been the point of saying that they were also invited to spend the day? I don't think it would have changed a thing.

Growing up we didn't really make big deals out of holidays and birthdays. Or at least it didn't seem that way to me. You didn't always get a happy bday on your bday, nor a merry christmas or even a happy new year. But should I dare not to send a message, then its held against me.
I think I'm just gonna say that I will be spending the day by myself. I'll make myself a nice meal and not have to worry about pleasing anybody.
Like that's going to happen....
I actually find it difficult to have such conversations with my mother, as she is a very hard person. She has done and said some very hurtful things before, things I'd rather forget, but I haven't written her off. She is after all my mother and I was taught while growing up I should have respect for my elders.

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